Review: Cravity - My Turn
Normally, my writing thrives on calm discussion and analyzing a song or album for its strengths or weaknesses. But, after hearing the new Cravity single, I must ask the question, WHY?
This song could have been a masterpiece. Ryan S. Jhun, known for writing modern classics such as SHINee's View, was involved. Two of Cravity's members have been part of X1, one of 2019's hottest rookie groups. Still, My Turn ends up being a near uncurable disaster.
My imagining of how the pitch meeting must have went:
Starship Executive (SE): "So we want to mature Cravity's image"
Songwriter (SW): "Not this again, we told you back when we made Flame that blindly following outdated trends does not work!"
SE: "But this time we are trying something new!"
SW: "(whispers) maybe something fresh lyrically, or a new concept? Maybe complex lyrics like TVXQ's O-Jung-Ban-Hap?"
SE: "NO!!! We lose money if we don't sing about love or how cool the kids are"
SW: "Why don't we let Cravity decide-"
SE: "I decide!!!!!"
SW: "Okay, should we use strings, guitars, or-"
SE: "We'll have a trendy NCT-style instrumentation while they wear driver clothes"
SW: "Ooh, are we doing a Highway to Heaven part two like song?"
SE: "No silly, we will do the new 'cool' NCT model with trap elements"
SW: "Why does everyone like trap these days?"
SE: "We just need you to give us one line, to sum up, the song and make it a modern classic. A deep line to show Cravity's maturity"
SW: "(Sarcastically) How about they sing 'Vroom vroom' like they are 5 years old who just saw the new Cars movie?"
SE: "Excellent!!!!! We will just add a skrrt to modernize the song!"
SW: "But I was sarcas-"
SE: "NO DILLY-DALLYING, besides, you wanted an element from Highway to Heaven."
SW: "Ugh, okay sir"
Cravity is a talented group, why were they reduced to this?! This is the worst elements of the usually good SuperM songs, combined with modern 'mature'-ness. Of course, "Vroom Vroom skrrt" is an embarrassing chorus. I applaud the members of Cravity for not fainting of laughter having to sing that.
Sorry for the unorthrodox review, I just had to let out some steam.
This is the best review I've seen in my life. Such an amazing piece of literary achievement! You deserve a Pulitzer!
ReplyDeleteThanks StillBangtan! During my acceptance speech (presuming I get nominated and win), I will speak about the importance of the word 'vroom' and the word 'skrrt' in modern philosophy. Hegel, Hobbes, and Kant don't have anything on the guys who wrote this song's lyrics!
DeleteLol, I wrote this a few days ago, and the day was going pretty hard, so I decided to do what I (wish I) do best. Prove extremely witty. I had no idea how the readers would react to this post, so a positive thought is great.
Actually, I had another humor post I had written, but never published called 'thoughts on some 2020 songs'. I never finished it, nor do I plan to do so, but I had some pretty fun quips.
DeleteBlackpink's How You Like That: The American people's hope is the first verse, and the chorus is the first presidential debate.
Bieber's Yummy: Well, I can't write about this as a song, as according to my lawyer (me in a tuxedo), this legally does not qualify as a song.
And more quips as such. It got pretty mean at times (as the above two show), so I put it on the chopping block. So I guess this review was meant as its legacy lol.
That post you would've published is really more wacky and unconventional. That would be a K-Pop YouTuber style of music criticism (although yeah, KPOPALYPSE does these things, I do not consider him a music critic, by any means).
DeleteYa, that is another reason I did not publish.
DeleteI don't want to be rude, but YouTuber and Kpopalypse don't count as critics for me. It is wacky and funny, but lacks objectiveness, and is just random bashing. It can be fun with a limit, but only when it is intended to be fun, and does not insult anyone. The above comments certainly are insulting. I enjoy a bit of humor, but not as someone else's cost. I just kept it in the comments for the sake of it.
On the other hand, the Cravity review is more like Screenrant's pitch meeting series, just with a few K-Pop jokes. I am somewhat glad I put it on the chopping block.
I have only two words "vroomvroomvroomvroomskiiirrrt"
ReplyDeleteTechnically that is more than two words. But if a word is sound with meaning, it is no words.
DeleteWow, I should write a book on philosophy lol!
No words... (**applause intensifies**)
ReplyDeletelol, thanks StillBangtan!
DeleteIt has a nice buildup.... but the chorus was just disappointing. I wasn’t really disgusted... I just found it comedic. How the f*ck did they come up with that? Why did they decide on it? Why is skrrt even a thing?
ReplyDeleteTrue, the chorus destroys all the momentum built. Had they made the "my turn" hook the chorus, it would actually get a 6 or 7.
DeleteAlso, thanks for your comment Terrance!
Delete"Besides, you wanted an element from Highway to Heaven" oh my God this made me laugh way too much haha! This is honestly exactly what happened but I'm not sure what is it that WE, the sane listeners, have done to deserve such torture.
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it, the Highway to Heaven joke was actually the last thing I added, and I am pretty glad I did.
DeleteI don't know why we got it, but I don't like it. Lol, your are right, what did we do to deserve this?!